PIC: Dinner in downtown Colorado Springs with the Joneses.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year. We are both committed to True Love Waits and we know that sex outside of marriage is a sin, but we struggle with understanding true purity. I guess I have two questions, how far is too far, and how do you go back if you have gone too far? 
>> pursuing purity

Congratulations on your commitment to abstinence. That is awesome! It’s great that you have recognized that God wants you to wait until marriage to have sex. It’s a tough decision to make, but as you’re finding out, sometimes it’s even tougher to figure out what purity looks like beyond that ultimate commitment. Part of what makes it so challenging is that the Bible doesn’t spell it out for us. We don’t have a quick and easy answer for how far is too far, but we do have some resources that can help you reach a decision about that based on the guidelines the Bible gives. Check out the books below and consider reading through one of them with your boyfriend and/or a parent or youth leader. * As for your second question, many Christian teens find themselves in a place of needing to go backwards sexually. The problem with this is that sexual involvement is naturally progressive. It is natural that when you are kissing, you want more. That is why deciding on and sticking to your limits is so important. If you feel you’ve already gone too far, it’s time to call in some help. It may seem intimidating or even embarrassing to ask an adult for help, but accountability is key. Remember that God can forgive you for anything you’ve done and restore your purity. The challenge for you then is to make choices that help you stay on the pure side of the limits you set. One way to handle this may be to set limits that keep you more than a step away from compromising your purity. That way, when thing naturally progress, you’ll have more chances to stop before you cross a line that you really don’t want to. Be ready for this to take some sacrifice. No one pretends that this is easy, but ultimately God’s plan for you, including your sex life, is the best way to go. * Check your local Christian bookstore or the websites listed for these resources:
1) Sexual Resolutions by Paul Kelley (lifewaystores.com or truelovewaits.com)
2) Purity Under Pressure: Making Decisions You Can Live With by Neil T. Anderson and Dave Park (lifewaystores.com)
3) Radical Love by Jim Burns (www.regalbooks.com).

I'm sixteen and have no friends. Every time I meet someone it lasts maybe two weeks and then they avoid me like I have a sickness or something. I don't think I do anything wrong; I treat them nice and respect them. I just can't see why they avoid me.  >> feeling alone

Unfortunately, we can’t tell you why others seem to be avoiding you. But, hopefully, we can give you some advice on how to deal with it when they do. Whether it is something you’re doing, or just a tough time of life for friendships right now, the pain of being alone is very real. The first thing for you to remember is that Jesus is your best friend and God promises that He will never leave you (Joshua 1:5). When you are feeling alone, take some time to talk with God and just tell Him how you are feeling. You may also find some comfort in reading the Psalms. Many of them talk about the pain David felt from being betrayed by friends, and the comfort he found in God. * Second, try to relax and trust God to bring some true friends into your life. It may not be an immediate thing, but as you learn to trust Him, He can open your eyes to friendships that will last. In the meantime, rely on your family or other adults to help you get through this time. * Life On the Edge’s booklet Friends: Developing Relationships that Last (Focus on the Family: (800) 232-6459) gives these ideas for action:
1) Be willing to take a risk and take the initiative.
2) Reach out to those who are lonely.
3) Ask questions.
4) Be friendly and smile.
5) Be patient.
6) Remember, not everyone will like you. Hang in there and keep trusting God to show you those around you who need a friend like you.

I'm up the creek. I’m dating a non-Christian and she is pulling me down. She is going to be seriously hurt if I break up. Please help.  >> sinking fast

Well, what can we say? Our job here is very easy—the answer to this one is very clear. The tough part comes in doing it—and that is all up to you. The Bible is clear that we should not be connected to nonbelievers in this way (2 Corinthians 6:14—7:1) and it sounds like you are finding out why. Besides the verse above, the Old Testament is full of stories about people who were led away from God by their romantic involvement with people who weren’t committed to God. Even a wonderful person you care a lot about can drag you down if she doesn’t share the beliefs you do. The only option here is to end your dating relationship. Yeah, it’ll probably hurt both of you for a while, but it will hurt much less now than later. Take the time to explain to your girlfriend why you are doing this. Don’t just avoid the subject. Give her the respect she deserves and explain it the best you can. Then you’ll just have to trust God that He can work in both of your hearts to heal the hurt. * The Bible promises that God works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) and even when obeying is tough, it is best! Make sure you have support from friends or even a youth pastor so that they can hold you accountable and can be there for you when it gets tough. We’re all pretty good at slipping up on our own, so don’t expect your problem with sin to disappear just because your girlfriend is out of the picture.  It may take a lot of thinking and the wisdom of others to help you find that line between reaching the world for Christ and keeping your distance in relationships with non-Christians to keep from just becoming part of it. Even if you don’t totally understand why God has asked you not to date non-Christians, step out in faith and trust that when God asks something of us, it is not always easy, but it is always for our own good. 

What does the Bible say about homosexuality?
>> looking for answers

Glad you asked. Our culture makes the issue of homosexuality seem very confusing, but the Bible is crystal clear. The first chapter of Romans is a good place to start. It makes it very clear that homosexual behavior is wrong, and even detestable to God—check out verses 24-27. Some other verses to read are Leviticus 18:22, Matthew 19:4-6, Jude 7 and 1 Corinthians 6:9-11. * Now that we’ve established that God doesn’t approve of homosexuality, let’s be sure we don’t just leave it at that. The Bible also has a lot to say about God’s grace and forgiveness, as well as the importance of loving all people. If you or someone you know is struggling with homosexuality, God wants you to come to Him and to rely on His strength and forgiveness to get you through. Look back at 1 Corinthians 6:9-11. The last part of that verse tells us that even those who have been involved in these activities can be washed pure and saved by Jesus Christ. Just like lying, gossip or any other sins, homosexuality is a sin that even many Christians struggle with but is not beyond the bounds of God’s grace. If you’re struggling with homosexual feelings, the first step is to tell a trusted adult. Confessing this will be hard, but it will bring accountability and start the process of overcoming it. * Secondly, those who don’t struggle with this need to be quick to love and slow to judge. Galatians 6:1-2 talks about the importance of gently restoring those who are caught in sin. It’s easy to reject someone because of his or her sin, but those are exactly the people that God calls us to share the love of Christ with. If you want more information or are struggling with homosexuality, contact Exodus International at (888) 264-0877 or www.exodusnorthamerica.org.

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